“I’m afraid” you whispered in resistance,
your soul fading in the ambulance…
Perhaps, by misguided turn of mercy,
I was sent out of the emergency.
Then I was standing by your sickbed
and held your hand. Blanket you needed
for your cooling body. Do you hear
my voice, I asked, for I could not glean
where you’d be taken… and where to bring
blankets and pillows for your caring?
Internal medicine ward again?
We were there not long ago - in vain.
They sent me home – I was in a bind
Reluctant, yet I left you behind…
Today your memory would mar less
had I chosen to utter words of caress;
gave you a fleeting kiss – now it hurts
for – perhaps - you craved for my words…
Now my self-deceit is a constant curse.
I should have talked to mother, even burst:
“What d’you fear? Your faith becomes pity?
Are you afraid to cross to eternity?
Dad’s waiting for you on the other shore,
He will embrace you, and as before -,
love abounds – take you by the hand
and lead you into time without end.”
(Translated by Laszlo G. Fulop)
